Love In It's Finest Form
by demolition-fagg
Summary: Harry has a number of flashbacks that makes him question his relationship with Draco.


**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own anything Harry Potter, they all belong to J.K. Rowling, and all the happenings in this fic are purely of my own perverted mind.

**A/N: **My first Harry/Draco fic, so i hope it's okay.

X-X-X-X

**Love In It's Finest Form:**

I'm cold.

My heart is cold because of you, because of what I had just found out. The one person who I thought loved me for who I am. But you never did. You only ever wanted someone there to hold you at night, someone to kiss you when you were down. I thought what we had was love, and then you go and say things that I hoped you didn't mean, and even though you were drunk off your face on fire whisky, I had to try and forget that because I knew that what you were saying was how you truly felt.

While you went out into the muggle village near our apartment, I packed up all my things into my rucksack. I took everything that was mine out of that apartment. I knew you would never remember the words you said to me that were so cold and hurtful, and that to make a real effect upon you, I would have to do something that I never wanted to do – leave you for good.

---The night before---

"_Harry! Harry! Wake up. You gotta hear this." Draco had excitement in his voice and Harry could tell it immediately. Harry sat up straight, and looked into his lover's excited eyes. "Guess who I just kissed?!"_

"_What?" Harry asked, staring at his lover, his emerald green ones searching Draco's grey ones for what he hoped would be lies. "You did what?"_

"_I kissed Blaise. I mean, I had seen him at the start of the night, and he followed me the whole night, kept buying me drinks and stuff, and I couldn't resist, so he leant in and kissed me! I couldn't believe it! I thought he still hated me!" Draco laughed drunkenly. "Isn't that great?"_

_Harry blinked wildly. He didn't want to believe what he had just heard, but it appeared that he had no choice to dismiss it. "Yeah. Sure." He said, unbelieving of what he had just said. He tried hard to not cry, as he never did in front of Draco (not that it occurred all that often). He decided against starting up an argument, but it was Draco who started it._

"_You know Harry, for years that we have been together, I have never been so unsure of love before. I think maybe I'm only with you because no one else wants me." He smiled drunkenly again. Harry felt his heart shatter. "But I still want to be with you. I'm torn. But, he is just so tempting."_

"_Please don't say that Dray." Harry pleaded, he saw the mischievous look that was on Draco's face, and instantly regretted ever getting with him. Ron and Hermione had warned him about Draco, but he refused to believe anything they told him – he didn't care. He was in love with Draco, with this blonde boy, slightly taller and more muscular in build then he was – he was a dream. He should've known he was too good to be true._

"_Come on. Let's get you to bed." Harry got out of bed, holding back his tears, trying hard to at least not shake him. He knew that would only make things worse for him. He started undressing Draco down to his underpants, and then tucked him under the covers, and with a swift kiss to the head, he left Draco to fall asleep as he left the room._

_He sat on the lounge, and held his head in his hands, and cried – cried until his heart and mind permitted him to stop. He couldn't believe the things he had heard his lover say, or that someone he thought loved him could treat him like this. He should never have let Draco go out alone, he knew what kinds of things he used to get up to, and it made Harry wonder whether he had done it to him before._

_He sniffed back the tears, and then retreated into his and Draco's bedroom, getting into the bed, and rolling away from Draco. He sniffed more, removing his glasses, and hoping that this night would hurry up so that he could get out of here when Draco was sober the next morning._

_Little did Harry know that Draco had heard him crying, and now, even though he pretended to be asleep, some remorse ran through him like something he had never felt before. He was feeling guilty. But, he didn't exactly feel it. There was a subconscious feeling in the back of his head that told him what he did was wrong, but he chose to dismiss it from his mind as he tried to fall asleep._

---Present time---

I sighed, walking around the room, and paced faster and faster. I regretted now more then ever being with him still. I knew that I should've listened to what my friends told me, but then I realize, why give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right all along? Especially Hermione. Since I fell for him, she has lectured me ever since. Even Ron had a go at me, which I found greatly unfair.

There was nothing I could do but wait for him.

---Ten years ago---

"_Malfoy! Potter! I expect you to stay behind after class since you both find it amusing to laugh at me whilst I teach, you will be the one's laughing when you have to clean my classroom entirely by hand." Snape snarled at the pair of them. "I will be back after dinner to check on your progress, and you better hope that it's tidy or tomorrow evening you will be doing the exact same thing."_

_Harry and Draco glared at each other, and then started cleaning. They both waited until Snape was out of the classroom completely before they stopped and looked at each other, and smiled. The two fifteen-year-old boys were in love, and they hadn't told anyone about it – not even their best friends._

_They moved closer to each other with every glance – for almost five years, they had pretended to hate each other, but had discovered their feelings whilst in the Forbidden Forest for a detention that Snape had once again set for them because they 'accidentally' set his cloak on fire._

_Draco cupped Harry's cheek, and leant right in close so their lips were mere inches apart. Harry pushed his mouth as close as he could to Draco's and they shared a slow, romantic kiss. They held themselves in that position for what felt like hours before they pulled back, and they sat there on the floor, cross-legged on the Potion classroom floor, staring into each other's eyes. Emerald green staring into grey ones from behind rounded glasses, black hair covering the scar on his forehead._

_Draco smiled again at him, and wrapped his arm around his lover. "Don't ever leave me." He said to Harry, half jokingly, half seriously. "Don't you ever leave me, Harry Potter."_

_Harry smiled back up at Draco, chuckling a little at his lover's determination. "If you don't leave me first."_

---Present Time---

I stumbled back for a minute. Why were all these thoughts plaguing through my mind? Why all of a sudden was I remembering all the moments I ever spent with him? I didn't understand, I took a seat on the lounge as I knew more memories were going to be coming through my mind…

---Nine and a half years ago---

_Draco was crying, and all Harry could do was watch. "I'm sorry Draco, I'm just not ready for such a serious relationship right now, at least not until Lord Voldemort is defeated."_

"_If you wanted it this way, then you should have just told me before we got involved." Draco said between sobs. "You will regret this, Potter."_

_Draco stood quickly, and left the room before Harry had even gotten out of his seat. He knew he'd blown it this time with Draco._

---6 months later---

_Harry and Draco stared at each other with pure hatred, much like Snape and Dumbledore were doing as they stood atop the Astronomy Tower, wands in hands, almost like a death match. Draco had his wand pointed firmly at Dumbledore, but his eyes remained on Harry._

"_The boy aint gonna do it." Said one of the voices on the opposing side to Dumbledore._

_Draco pulled down his wand – he couldn't kill his headmaster, even though he loathed him. He just couldn't._

"_Severus…" Dumbledore was pleading with Snape and Harry wanted to scream at him until he went deaf or something, just as long as his headmaster, his role model would stop what he was doing. "Severus…please…"_

"_Avada Kedavra."_

_There was a flash of green light that came from Snape's wand, and Harry literally saw the light leave Dumbledore's eyes. He fell to his knees and shook him, hoping it was all just a hoax._

_He looked up to see Draco giving him an 'I'm really sorry' look, but he didn't buy it. In an instant, he disappeared, and Harry was left to deal with Dumbledore's death all on his own._

---Present Time---

Why that memory? I didn't understand why of all the memories I have of him, it had to be that one. I hated that memory, but at the same time I loved it. I think it is the only time I ever remember him looking sorry for something that he did. It made me happier in a way, but still the feelings I was feeling for him right now would never change the effects of what he said, and how he said it.

I never wanted this.

---Eight years ago---

_A fire had just broken out in the corridor where Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle were. Well, mainly because it was Crabbe's fault anyway. Harry, Ron and Hermione had mounted brooms, and were heading for the doors when Harry realized that he had not seen Draco anywhere on their way out._

_He then saw what he wanted on the top of charred desks – Draco was there alive with Goyle. He swooped down, and Draco stuck his hand up, but as he passed them, Draco's hand slipped, and he realized that he could not carry both Draco and Goyle and the same time._

_Ron yelled something out to him, but he chose to ignore it as he and Hermione grabbed Goyle, and he went back the second time to grab Draco fully, and pull him onto the same broomstick as he was on. "Thank you." Draco whispered in his ear as they flew out of the burning room to safety._

---After Defeating Lord Voldemort---

"_Harry?" A voice that sounded all too familiar, but sounded strained from screaming. The voice rounded the corner, and entered the Great Hall. A tall blonde with grey eyes was searching for him. "Harry!"_

_Harry turned around expectantly, and saw instantly the man he was in love with. He pulled out of the hug he was having with Ginny, and ran towards Draco. Even though he was worse for wear, and even though he was hurting like all hell, he would do absolutely anything if Draco was calling him._

_Draco stood there, and waited for Harry to run to him. He didn't care about all the looks they were getting. All that mattered to him was that Harry was alive. Harry jumped onto him, and Draco caught him in his arms, and spun him around as they hugged._

_Harry grabbed the back of Draco's neck as Draco's hands slid to rest on his thighs to support him and he pulled their lips together for a kiss. They shared a long and passionate kiss. It was Draco who pulled apart from him first. "I love you, Harry James Potter."_

_Harry kissed him again, and pulled back. "And I love you too, Draco Lucius Malfoy." They shared another kiss, much to the distaste and horror of the many people standing around – many thought they were enemies, and most thought they were straight._

---Present Time---

I couldn't help but cry as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Was I really doing the right thing? There was a part in my brain that sounded strangely like Hermione, and was telling me 'You should've listened to your friends. He was bad news from the start.'

I guess I should've realized what I was getting myself into when I started with him. I should've known what he was like from the last time we dated.

---Five years ago---

_He had asked Draco's father for permission, and had been disturbingly accepted by who he always perceived as a cruel man. Him and Lucius organized to have proposal dinner at the Manor, and had even worked out everything by themselves…until Narcissa found out their plans, that is, and insisted upon helping them after she criticized all their plans and altered them slightly._

_It was the night of St. Valentine's Day. Harry, Draco, Lucius, Narcissa, Ron, Hermione, Blaise and Pansy were all invited to the quaint get together that had been planned only by three people._

_It was the end of the meals, and the dessert servings were close to be brought out, when Lucius gave Harry the nod of approval. "Draco, there's a particular reason why we're all here tonight, and it's not just because it's Valentine's Day." Harry started talking, and Hermione and Pansy gasped because they knew what was coming. "I love you so much Dray, you know I do. And there would be nothing in the world that would make me happier then for us to spend the rest of our lives together. What I'm trying to say Draco is-" Harry got down on one knee in front of Draco, and this time it was his turn to gasp. "-will you marry me Draco Malfoy?"_

"_YES!" Draco squealed in excitement, and pulled Harry up and kissed him as the ring was placed onto his finger. "Oh my god, YES!!"_

_He couldn't stop the grin from appearing across his lips. Nothing could've broken him down then or made him anymore happier. Harry wrapped his arm around Draco as all of their guests greeted the newly engaged couple respectively. Little did Harry notice or realize was the way that Blaise was looking at Draco, and how every so often Draco would pull the same look back at him._

---Four and a half years ago---

_Harry stood at the end of the aisle with Ron standing on his side, Hermione and Ginny sitting in the row behind where Ron was standing. Harry kept glancing back at Ron, who almost looked as nervous as what he did. Then the music started playing. The classic muggle wedding march started, and everyone rose and turned their heads as they expected Draco to walk down the aisle. Lucius was seated right down the front with a spare seat next to him, which was for Narcissa._

_Harry looked up as Draco started walking down the aisle, and was shocked at how beautiful he looked in his white dress robes, which matched with Harry's black dress robes. Narcissa had her arm linked into her only son's left arm, tears welling up in her eyes as she walked her child down his wedding aisle – a privilege that neither her nor Lucius thought that they would have._

_The reverend that was running the wedding smiled as Draco, who was closely followed by Blaise, made his way down to where Harry was waiting with Ron. Harry reached out and held hands with him, whilst the reverend made his speeches, and their personal vows were read to each other._

"_I now pronounce you man and man. You may now kiss your husband." The reverend smiled at them as Harry and Draco leant in to share their first kiss as being a married couple. Draco took Harry's surname because he chose to, and the newly married Potter's walked back out of the church, hand-in-hand to where their reception was being held. It was the happiest day of Harry and Draco's lives._

---Present Time---

I sat there, looking at our wedding picture. Why would he do that to me? Why would he jeopardize us that way? I twirled my wedding ring on my finger, and it made me feel worse, but I couldn't take it off. I still loved him. I knew that I did. The only thing I could hope was that he could make me change my mind.

The door opened, and he came into our house. "Hey baby." He smiled as he put the two bags of groceries onto the bench, and put the keys to our house onto our key hanger.

He came over and kissed me on the lips quickly. "What's up?" He asked, and sat down on the coffee table in front of where I was.

"Dray, we need to talk." I sighed.

"What about?"

"About what you said last night. Did you really mean what you said to me?"

"What did I say? I don't even remember."

"Let me refresh you." I said coldly. "Maybe the fact that you said that you were only with me because no one else wanted you. Is that true?"

"I never remember saying that."

"You're a liar! You know that maybe if you weren't off your face when you came home of a night, then you would realize some of the things you were saying."

"Harry, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me."

"You told me that you kissed Blaise last night, and that it was good because you thought he hated you." I sighed, holding back my tears. "Do I mean nothing to you?"

"I still love you Harry. I don't even know why I said those things."

"That's funny, because every time you go out, you come home and tell me these things." I snapped. "Draco, I don't know if this is what I want, but I have been thinking about it, and I think it's better if we take a break for a while. I think maybe you'd be better suited as a single man."

"Harry, don't say that. You don't mean it." Draco pleaded with me. But, what was I meant to say? There was nothing I could've done to change it. "I love you Harry. More then anything in the whole world. I would do anything for you, and I'm pretty sure you know that."

"Dray, I think it's better for us." I sighed again. "I know you do because I love you the same way, but I can't handle this. The only reason is that this incident keeps replaying. It isn't the first time, and I fear it won't be the last."

---Fifteen years ago---

_Harry walked into the castle that was going to be his new school. The school was called 'Hogwarts'. He had never been so excited about anything in his life, although there was hardly anything he could be excited about when he lived with the Dursleys. Especially not when Dudley was in the room._

_He had made friends with a nice red-haired boy named Ron, and had met a very bossy girl named Hermione, who had mentioned another boy, Neville, who had supposedly lost a toad. He was very nervous about meeting a lot of new people all at once._

"_Well, well, if it isn't the famous Harry Potter?" A boy with slicked back, blonde hair spoke, and everyone turned to look at the boy, and to Harry._

_He strolled over to where Harry was, and stood in front of where he was. "You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better then others Potter. I can help you there. I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." Ron scoffed at him. "You think my name's funny do you? I've no need to ask yours. Red hair and a hand-me-down robe. You must be a Weasley."_

_An elderly woman appeared in front of them, and Draco scuttled away. Harry's first impression of him was certainly not a good one, and he didn't want to become friends with him, not even in the slightest._

---Present Time---

I saw him crying again, and although it made me upset to see him crying, I knew that this time I was not feeling upset about breaking his heart. This time was different – I had a proper reason, even though the last one wasn't exactly faulty, but still.

I stood up, and I saw him try and stop me. I couldn't let him make me stay. He tried to push my shoulders back, but I knew that when he was feeling this emotional, and generally overall, I was stronger, so I pushed him away.

"Draco, you have to let me go." I said, pushing past him, grabbing my rucksack. "If we were meant to be together, then sometime in the future, we will get back together. But, right now you have to let me think."

Draco sighed, and I knew he didn't want me to go, heck, it wasn't half obvious. I hoped that he would be okay. But, I think deep down I knew he would.

I took one last look at him, and Disapparated to Ron and Hermione's house. Even though I knew they would be very judgmental, I just needed to see a couple of friends, and I knocked on the door, and a very warm Hermione welcomed me into their house.

…Five Years Later…..

_Harry never thought he'd return to that house again, and even though him and Draco never filed for divorce, they had been separated nearly five years now. He couldn't believe it when Draco sent him a letter that said he needed him back._

_He had been living in the house right next to Ron and Hermione's with Ron's parents for the duration of time, and was desperately waiting for a letter from Draco. He just knew that it would come sooner or later._

_He took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. He didn't know how he was going to react when he saw Draco again, and was a tad bit nervous as his heart thumped nearly four times the normal speed against his chest._

_The door opened, and he saw Draco staring back at him, wearing a very smart pair of pants and dress shirt, he looked like he was going out somewhere. He smiled, and let Harry into his old apartment. "I missed you." Harry said. "I didn't get with anyone else while we were apart."_

_Draco said nothing, but nodded. "I still love you."_

"_I still love you too Dray." Harry spluttered. "I was so stupid to ever leave you, I don't even know what I was thinking, maybe it was just because I was so jealous of the time you spent talking about Blaise, and then there was never any of your kindness left for me."_

_Draco was done talking. He pushed Harry back onto the lounge, and then got on top of his hips, and straddled him. He leant down and kissed him hard on the lips, and slipped his tongue in forcefully, not even waiting for Harry to respond or object – they both knew they wanted each other back._

_Draco broke from the kiss, and took Harry's shirt off forcefully, nearly ripping it in half. He then proceeded to attack Harry's neck with hard bites and kisses, hoping there would be marks left as Harry moaned and squirmed underneath Draco's touches._

_He started to kiss down Harry's still firm chest and torso. He stopped kissing when he reached his stomach, and instead used his tongue to trail down to his navel, dip in and out, then continued to lick down until he reached the waistband of his jeans. Draco undid Harry's fly in a swift movement, sliding his own hips down further so that his head was basically between Harry's legs._

_He removed Harry's pants in another swift movement, and then he looked up to the completely naked Harry, who was already slightly sweaty from their activities. Draco sat up, starting to jerk off Harry as he slowly undid his shirt, as to not get any of Harry accidentally on it._

_Once his shirt was off, he moved his mouth right back down to where he knew Harry wanted it, which could be seen through Harry's stiff member. Draco pushed his lips at the head, kissing it, before slowly easing it into his mouth. It took a moment for his gag reflex to kick in though, but when it did, he slid as much of Harry as he could into his mouth._

_He started to move his mouth up and down, faster and faster, and as Harry tangled his fingers into Draco's short blonde hair, he knew he was getting closer to his climax. Draco pulled almost completely off, and concentrated on just sucking on the head. Harry's breathing got more rushed and shallow, and Harry's muscles started to tense up just as Draco slid his length back in again, and got forced to swallow all of Harry's load._

_He waited until Harry was completely finished before he climbed back up his body, kissing various parts of him, until collapsing on top of him. "You want to give us another go?" Draco asked, grinning like a madman._

_Harry laughed. "Yes. Of course. As long as we promise each other that we will never leave each other again, okay?"_

_Draco giggled. "Okay."_

_They snuggled in together on the lounge, and Draco was glad they were back together, but not nearly as glad as Harry was. This was love in its finest form._

_X-X-X-X_

**A/N: **Hope that was okay as a first attempt. Hope that you all liked it. Reviews are all welcome for positive reviews and how i could do better next time if you want. thanks for reading. xx.


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